chronic illness

I am but a humble mermaid, trying to dance…

Some major foot pain today with the post-op 2nd reconstruction and the CRPS/RSD pain. My foot has been incredibly cold all day, despite being in two pairs of socks the past 6 hours. And the ones closest to me, those super fuzzy aloe vera-laced ones. After having my awesome boots on for the evening, I think I’m going to have to search for some size 9’s. The 8 & 1/2’s on my right, is just too tight with the padding in for the ball of my foot. I’ve been fantasizing about ballet and lyrical dances all day, ever since I saw that above quote on the one group on Insight Timer this morning.

The psychological evaluation has been the hot topic today. Just all the BS one needs to go through for something to reduce the pain of a major pain syndrome/disease. It all comes down to money and the insurance companies saying, “yes” or “no.” If you read yesterday’s blog, you know I had to do a personality test. Some of the questions they asked me were just plain ridiculous. Like, “I think I’d like the work of a forest ranger.” Or, “If I were an artist, I think I’d like to draw flowers.” Or, “If I were a reporter, I think I’d like to report about sports.” These were all true or false statements. And as far as anyone can see, have no barring on whether or not I “qualify” for a Dorsal Root Ganglion Spinal Cord Stimulator. What I want is less pain, alot less, so that I can do ballet again and go hiking again, for more than a few paces.

I had the opportunity to go to a group meditation tonight, and I took it. It was a nice, cozy group. I got to see my friends and met a new friend. I decided to get decked out in mermaid-style, as you can see below.  They said I looked like a rock star….lol. I felt good, for once, except my foot.  I got to wear my new vegan jacket. I got it before Christmas, but didn’t break it out until tonight. I shed allover my shirt, however. The fun fur was somehow, attracted to my mouth for the whole car ride there, which is about 35 miles.

I kept those good feelings going as I went to the grocery store down there, that is like Disney World for me with 2 whole isles of vegan goodness. I stocked up on Smoked Gouda Daiya Block Cheese, So Delicious Coco Whip, American Harvest Vegan Harvest Flatbread Pizza, my beloved Earth Balance Coconut Butter was on sale, as well as the Daiya Black Cherry Greek Yogurt. They had the Daiya Ranch Dressing, which is awesome with baby carrots. Seeing that there are 3 of us that snack on them, I got a giant bag tonight. And some pre-cut turnip cubes were on sale, so I grabbed them. I like to spray them with oil and sprinkle with some Himalayan Pink Salt and toast on about 300-350 degrees for about 1/2 hour. I can just stand there at the toaster oven and eat them all, right off the pan. I have a turnip problem. I was going to buy some pre-cut asparagus in with some sliced baby portobellas, but that was a bit pricey. I was going to throw that in with the last of my butternut squash, coconut milk, rice, couscous, lentil, kale, cinnamon, nutmeg, curry soup. I think it’s actually gotten better over the week, since it’s aged. Or maybe I’m just used to the weirdness of the concoction. I did feel like a rock star coming out of the store with that bag of groceries….lol.

I was offered an opportunity to help a friend out to just answer the phone for his business. I thought about it the whole drive home, and I think I’m going to take him up on it. It will get me out of the house a day or two a week. It might get me out of this slump I seem to be in when I don’t have any appointments for days at a time, too. So I think it will be good for my mental health to help someone out. I’m just worried about the dumb flares from migraines, fibromyalgia and my foot. But one of the good things is that I’ll be sitting for almost the whole day, so there will be no pressure on my foot. (I keep thinking about applying to Starbucks because I’d love, and have always wanted, to be a barista…..but….standing…..bending….rushing around….yikes! And who knows if they’d be willing to hire someone for only 10-15 hours a week.) So I have to gather my doctor schedule up and let him know my availability tomorrow. This could be good. And I seem to eat more regularly when I have a “working” schedule. This could be beneficial for that hypoglycemia issue I’ve been having for a while because I just don’t want to eat.  These were all things going through my head as I drove home, until I got about 10 miles from home and noticed how bright Leo and Orion were in the sky, out the driver’s side window. I actually pulled over to get a better look, but it wasn’t the safest spot, so I didn’t stay long. I love the night sky. I wish our house has better viewing and less light for me to observe the stars. Our Universe is truly amazing.

So that is where things are at right now. I don’t know when I will hear from the pain psychologist regarding if I passed my multiple exams for the spinal cord stimulation surgery.   I still have alot of questions and want more information on this procedure and have some more research to do. It’s a big step, but one that I hope gets me dancing again.

Take Care, Be As Well As Possible, and Until Next Time…

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4 thoughts on “I am but a humble mermaid, trying to dance…”

  1. Those leggings, boots, jacket and WONDER WOMAN backpack are everything!!! You truly looked like a rock star…well you are one 🙂 So glad seeing you. I wish I drove and could hang out more frequently. Quite enjoy getting to know you better.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. oh, man, my comment didn’t send! Anywho….Thank you!!!! I am glad to get to know you better, too! I was wondering if you drove, or just didn’t have access to a car. I hope to make it to more Tuesday nights at U3!


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