chronic illness, Self-Esteem

I want to Believe

If you are an “X-Phile” like me, now, you see, “I want to Lie.” After this week’s showing of Season 11, Episode 1 of The X-Files.  No, I don’t want to Lie, I WANT TO BELIEVE. It’s something I even carry on my person every day, as you can see from the above pictures.


Yesterday’s post was pretty much in the toilet from the get-go. But, no matter how one tries to stay positive, we all fall down. A very, very close friend of mine’s father passed away a few years back. In her eulogy, I remember these words she spoke about him…”GET UP.” No matter how hard you fall, or where you fall, or however long it takes you…”GET UP.”

Today I chose to Get Up and Get Going. I listened to Julie Reisler’s meditation on Insight Timer. Then I moved into the Year of Mindfulness from Sounds True and did a Daily Meditation with Jack Kornfield. All, of course, while I had my delicious vegan latte next to me in my Yoda mug. A present from two girlfriends years ago. I treasure it everyday. After that, I communicated with a few friends about how sucky chronic illnesses are. Just us three alone have enough pain for this world. And to think, that is only 3…2 from Schuylkill County, PA, and 1 from Berks County, PA. I’ve discovered that most of my friends that I allow to come into my personal space and hug me have chronic illnesses. Alot of us are barely working, or not working at all. I wish there were some huge office with accomodations for our individual disabilities, that would allow us to make a living, and contribute to society in a positive manner.

I ventured out into the 9 degree weather about 2pm here. I made a few too many purchases at CVS, Weis, and mostly Michael’s….that evil store that draws all of humanity in. Then I stopped at the pizza and sub shop down the street. I got a plain pizza for my husband, and a vegan pizza sub for me with mushrooms and pepperocini. It was delicious.  We chilled out and watched a few more episodes of Rick and Morty while eating. It’s been a freezing week. Our toilet intake pipe to the tank has frozen 3 times since Wednesday. There is no insulation in our bathroom, we found out a while back. That pipe is the closest to the outside, and hard to get to, so I’m not sure how he plans on keeping it from happening every day. I am certainly no plumber. I am a biologically-trained medical (veterinary….and human) personel. I’m not much for this new-fangled technology I’m currently typing on. I can operate lab equipment and monitoring equipment, but I don’t really do plumbing.   But I did get this lovely Buddha succulent statue and this vegan candy bar, so Life is Good again.

Take Care, Be As Well As Possible, and Until Next Time…

4 thoughts on “I want to Believe”

  1. I’m glad that you found some peace yesterday. I could stay in Michael’s all day. One positive thing that came out of my depression is that I found my love of crafting again. Think I will touch upon that in my next blog post. Have you listened to Fear by Blue October? “I used to fall, now I get back up.” If you have, listen again. It’s a song that is often on repeat for me. We have Blue in common as well 😉 Thank you for giving me the kick in the ass that I needed to start blogging again.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. lol…..I think my foot bounced off your ass and I kicked myself, as well. I’ll have to see if Fear is in my newest downloads for Blue’s records. Yes….Michael’s….went in there for a soap-block-cutter and replacement bracelet….$52 later, I walked out of the store.


  2. I am honored that you chose to use my words in this way, and more importantly, Dad’s words. I think he would be as well. Thank you.
    I know it isn’t easy to keep getting up, especially when life knocks you down. What’s important is that we know HOW to get up. We can’t always do it alone, sometimes we need support from others, or from a tool…and you’ve got both. I’m really glad you keep getting up.
    Now to another deeply important question: what’s a soap block cutter? Why would you want to cut blocks of soap? Am I missing something?

    Liked by 1 person

    1. To DIY soap. I had planned on making soap and other things for gifts……I don’t want to mess with heating lye and can’t seem to find a recipe to make soap without it, so I bought 1 pound blocks of soap from Bulk Apothecary. It is much easier to heat soap in small lumps or grated. When I was grating beeswax for Mother’s Day stuff and DIY deodorant, I grated my 2nd knuckle on the first pass. It just finally healed in December, but is still really sore to the touch. A Soap Block Cutter is much safer to use than say a bread knife b/c it has a handle that you can press your body weight down into.

      Liked by 1 person

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