It’s inevitable. People will let you down. That’s why I went into veterinary medicine and have animals. Sometimes I just feel like giving up on people, or not trying so hard anymore. Sometimes it’s hard to do those Tiny Love Challenges and Be the change. Sometimes I just want someone to dote on me for once.
You know, it just hurts. That’s the main point here. And you feel alone. Or maybe I should change up the language here, since there is no tone of voice. Which is CRITICALLY important. Also, no body language. Another biggie. People don’t have that on texting, email, and instant messaging. Which I guess, is why emoji’s were invented many years ago. And you don’t even have that here. Please know that this is not an angry type-fest on my laptop. I am surrounded by all things snuggly and warm at the moment with some Tumeric Lemon Ginger tea and local honey in my favorite mermaid cup. I am frustrated. And I don’t know how to bring that up without being a jerk or looking like an ass.
What I should be saying is that I feel alone. I’m not saying I feel alone from my husband. We spent a fun day together and visited his mom for a few hours. We went out to eat and watched a few Rick and Morty episodes, with the cats and puppy snuggled up in bed. (Which is a no-no for trying to isolate the bedroom for that perfect sound sleep we are all after. Maybe a future blog can be on sleep hygiene….note to self.)
I’m not really mad, more, er, disappointed. Maybe I set my expectations too high for people because I have a consistent loop of thoughts about people I know personally (and sometimes those I have never met.) Maybe I just need to focus on my reading and doing some of those books and courses I just bought from Hay House, Sounds True, and Chronic Babe within the past month that should last me all next year. Or finish the number of fiction books I started ages ago in paperback and on my Kindle. Or clean the litter boxes, or Guinea pig cage, etc…..but I digress. Maybe, and this could be the big break through….I should mind my own business and not worry about what others think or are thinking. Maybe I should fire up the Insight Timer app and get out of my own head and do a Loving Kindness meditation with Tara Brach, Jack Kornfield, or the like.
Life can be rough….even the day after Christmas. Even when your friend, who is a therapist calls to give you a piece of advice in the morning, that is too long for a text…and lacks tone of voice and body language. (What a delightful surprise that was!) But sometimes, I just want to vent with any number of girlfriends, individually, or in a group. It’s hard when everyone has such separate lives and also has chronic illnesses of their own. Or maybe I’m just Jonesin’ for a trip down the road to Starbucks for a Sumatra latte using my rewards and wanted a buddy or two.
I’m not even sure I accomplished anything here on this blog other then bitching on the keyboard. Well, I guess I did come up with some solutions, typing “out loud.” It’s just really hard when you want to talk to someone, but feel that you are bothering them. It’s also super hard trying not to isolate from everyone when you/I are feeling this way. This can be one of the key factors in resorting to isolation….feeling unloved, unwanted, or just that you are bothering someone. Also knowing someone with a chronic illness that has chosen to isolate can be rough. You are not sure how much to push.
Maybe we should all think about someone that may need a little uplifting message, or a smile and just reach out today.
Take Care, Be As Well As Possible, And Until Next Time…